Bad Hair Days

by Guest Blogger DJ Stu

Mom and DJ Stu

When I first met my wife’s parents, I’m pretty sure that they had a slight case of shock.  Although they were nice and hospitable to a fault, my guess is that inside their heads their reaction was what George Thorogood would write a few years later: “They took one look at me and said, ‘Oh, my God!  Get a haircut and get a REAL job!’”  That’s because they both were old-school, hard working, toe-the-line career people, my father-in-law having retired from the electrical trade and my mother-in-law being a banking official.  Each time we would visit over the years, one or both of them would bring up the topic of jobs, making my wife’s flesh crawl and hastily change the subject.  (“So what have you been doing in the garden?”)  All that time, for more than 20 years, I really only knew my mother-in-law when we were around a lot of other people, such as family holiday gatherings, weddings or birthdays.  We never truly spent much time together at all.  

 Especially just the two of us.

That’s why recent events have been strange, ironic and wonderful all at once.  Because I’m self-employed, I have always let Mom know that I was available during the day should she need help with anything.  Aside from a bit of help cleaning out gutters and some yard work – bringing me in because she was afraid Dad couldn’t handle it himself – she’s never asked me for anything.  That is, until she lost her driver’s license due to her Alzheimer's diagnosis.

When she asked me to take her to her hair appointment the first time, simply coordinating the date and time was a big production, as her ability to deal with such things now confuses her to no end.  Still, I was more than happy to finally lend her a real hand.  As we went from her appointment to her bank and then her grocery store (and the obligatory lunch – mom won’t let you get away without feeding you) in my big, lumbering DJ truck, I began to really get to know the woman I’ve been calling “Mom” all these years. 

While her battle with her disease is sometimes as tangible as a stone pillar in the room, her older memories are not only intact but very vivid.  She has endless stories about “the kids,” and what a great guy Dad was, and all of the things she’d gotten into while growing up.  And the laughter – it’s insane how much laughing we both do!  I always knew she had a good sense of humor, but it turns out it’s beyond “good!”  She’s a total hoot!  What a shock to find out that my mother-in-law was the kind of person I might’ve hung out with had we both been the same age and in school together!  I mean, aren’t husbands supposed to hate their mother-in-laws?  Aw, hell, once again I’m the guy who breaks the rules.  And news to anyone who thinks Mom is a straight-arrow, she’s done her fair share of rule breaking, too.  But I’m sworn to secrecy.  

From what I know of the disease, I also know that her long periods of “normal” and all of those great memories are going to become fleeting and, eventually, may disappear altogether down the road.  That makes TODAY important.  Today is a day to cherish.  Yeah, I can also see the day coming when caring for her will become REAL work.  But she’s worth it.  I’ll give her my best.  Maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised by how much I genuinely like her, since I can see some of the things she passed along to her daughter/my wife.  They’re both keepers, and I think I’ll do just that for as long as our frail human biology will allow it.  Hey, mom… I think you’re hair’s getting a bit shaggy, don’t you?