Matters of the Heart by Dream Quester
I am the long distance care giver daughter. I’m also the daughter that, uh, well, growing up my dad said I wore my heart on my sleeve.
As I was growing up I marked every significant life experience with music. And the song that best fits dementia and Alzheimer’s is ‘People Get Ready’
People get ready for the train to Jordan It's picking up passengers from coast to coast Faith is the key, open the doors and board 'em There's hope for all among those loved the most.
There are so many songs written about the Heart – the lyrics from Carly Simon – there’s more room in a broken heart and then this morning
As I was walking home with groceries from Trader Joes listening to Pandora The Script’s Breakeven came on:
I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing
Just prayin’ to a god I don’t believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don’t break even
Her best days will be some of my worst……
They say bad things happen for a reason
The heart breaks and there’s more room to love. And it breaks every day. Every day when I try to share a special story and it’s clear she doesn’t understand, but gives me those reassuring loving mom words and moves on to another subject. A subject she knows well: crocheting, dinner, food – shrimp or popcorn or poppy seed dressing or another food she has just experienced, the weather, her garden, her neighbors or who visited that day.
And every day my heart opens more. It opens to her laughter, her stories of my grandfather and my dad, thoughts of hers I would never have been privy to….the other day she said to my sister ‘I have never been high, what’s it like to be high? Who does one see about getting high?’
My heart opens to love more. Love life fully, love my friends – even when they show me their gritty side and love my mom more. Even when it’s hard, especially when it’s hard.
She’s still in early stages they say. As this disease chips away the woman I knew, I gain insight into a woman I never knew. A woman who is lighthearted, laughs easily and lives in the moment. A woman who is teaching me the most important lessons in life – nothing matters more than love and to be fully present in the moment.
I’m scared to see down the road, when she’s worse…hopefully I will have learned the lessons she is teaching me so I can laugh easier, love faster.
Kicking it over to my beautiful sister, my mom’s primary caregiver. I’ll write again soon. Namaste.